my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
