so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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