theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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