he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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