after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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