I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
