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if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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