Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize