Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
