just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
