Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize