Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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