I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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