I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
