Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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