u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
