His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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