No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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