Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
