"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
