everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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