I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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