You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
