my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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