Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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