Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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