Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk is not a location!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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