those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
