woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
