so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
