morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
