I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
