please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
