and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
