I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
