Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
