i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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