i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
