Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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