These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
