We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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