If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
