I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
