You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
