shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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