If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
