so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
