Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
