um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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