ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
