I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
