There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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