4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
