people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
