Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
