When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
