I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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