He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
