How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
