i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
