I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
