I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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