My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
