There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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