You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
