This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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