The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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