well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
