I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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