i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
