I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
