I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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