the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
